Real Connectivity in Love — The Lost Art of Heart to Heart.
When truth meets truth and like meets like, bonds are eternal.
We all come in layers. We have a top layer of social etiquette and politeness. We have an underlayer of intentions and wishes. We have a deeper layer of hurts and patterning. We have a core or soul level of who we really are. It is when we are operating from our soul level that we not only recognize those who are also operating from soul level, but we are able to instantly and solidly connect to the other in real time.
This doesn’t happen too often. It used to happen more frequently in days gone by when we didn’t live such fast and full lives. We are inflicted with being too busy, and it’s costing us in terms of our bonds to each other.
Fast and Busy Lives
We humans are complex, and as we experience more and more, we become more and more wired. If we do not sort out that complexity as we go along, we become increasingly confused.
To draw an analogy, imagine laying the wiring of a new home we are building. In order to get the lights and electricity to provide optimal plug points and lights for when we need it, we make a plan beforehand, and we are careful about the way we install it. Sometimes, however, we have interruptions while we’re doing that, and it takes a while to get back to our original plan. Sometimes we cannot get back to it, but the house must be finished, and there are more and more interruptions, and we are closer and closer to deadline and have less and less time. So we start taking shortcuts. We move away from the original plan, and then we can’t even remember the original plan. Then things get messy. There are now so many interruptions that there is not time for reflection, for planning, for carefully wiring everything. Soon we have a big mess on our hands, nothing appears to work, and we don’t even know how we got there or why things are constantly going wrong. In order to sort it out, we are going to have to go right back to the beginning, look at every wire we have laid, make sure it’s in the right place and doing the right job. Only then will the lighting and electricity work properly.
That’s what is happening with our inner lives, and it is the mess that is inside us that prevents us from accessing our cores. And without our being able to operate from our core, we can never truly connect with others. It is only when can be in touch with who we really are that we can be in touch with who others really are.
When we can do that, then we can connect in a heart to heart way.
I don’t think people realize just how fundamental a clear head is to a connecting heart.
The Steps to Connecting Heart to Heart
As with most things, there is a process to be worked through. While the steps of the process are simple, they can be challenging emotionally and intellectually.
Digging deep into who we are means we have to face the things we don’t like about ourselves. It means we have to delve into the things that caused us trauma. It means we have to have a level of honesty that makes us stare at the part of ourselves that embarrasses us. It’s only when we are willing to look at our possible evil and at our very definite limitations that we are able to see the complete picture. It is not possible to find our core without being able to look at our whole self willingly and honestly. We need to go deep inside — to the hidden layers of the unconscious minds.
The Unconscious Storage Facility of Our Past
Some 40 years ago, I had a terrible dream or realization. I realized that I was jealous of other people because they had friends and I didn’t. I was approaching 30, and I had never had a friend in my life. (I am autistic — Asperger’s.) The realization shattered me. I could not believe that I was capable of such an evil feeling. Yet, in realizing that, and in confessing to it in the church I was attending at that time, something inside me opened up. I realized then that we all hide terrible things about ourselves deep within, and it is these things that so often prevent us from doing the things we desperately long to do. In other words, we don’t go out and work towards the things that will make us happy because destructive patterning deep inside holds us back. They imprison us. The only way to loosen those bonds is to look at them, see them in detail, examine every bit about them, confess to them, and accept them. The dark goes away when exposed to the daylight. It works every single time!
Losing the Shame
The reason we are so hesitant to confess who we are is because we are scared of what other people will think of us. We are scared that we will lose our place in society, that our peers will walk away from us, or that it will affect our lives in some other destructive way. So we are not only terrified of revealing our darkest despairs and greatest failures to others, but also to ourselves. After all, we have to live with who we are.
When we let our fears dominate us, we remain in prison for the rest of our lives, and we also will never truly connect to others. Any real connectivity can never take place.
There’s something else that happens when we are ready to examine our deepest secrets — so secret that we often don’t know that they are there. When we bring them up from the hidden recesses of our mind and expose them to daylight, they vanish. Our energy changes. We begin to have a new energy about us. I can’t explain it, but we become clean people with clean energy. I suspect you will think I’m absurd when I make that statement, but I have always noted that some people have a sort of clean energy about them and others have a sort of dark and creepy energy about them. I think that energy is a reflection of people’s deepest selves. Of course, we have to be careful of not projecting our judgements about others on to them.
The Eyes of Love
Have you ever looked deep into the eyes of someone — even if it just for a moment, and there’s a flash of something — a moment of deep connectivity, of love, of knowing, of bonding. Once it happens, there will always be something between you. That’s because you have both seen into the deepest core self of the other person.
When we have let the barriers down, and we have allowed others to look into our eyes to find out who we really are, then we have a heart to heart connection , and there is nothing more powerful in human relationships than the art of the heart to heart.
So much of our conversation with others is superficial. Don’t you just sometimes want to have something more solid in your life? Don’t you wish that you could connect in a way to others that was pure authenticity on both sides? Don’t you get tired of the endless competition that sets us at odds with those we work with?
The way to get there is to operate from your core self. The lovely thing about operating from core self is that we lose our fear of inferiority, and we also lose our fear of of rejection by those who are not open to us. We begin to accept that there is loss involved in life, and we no longer fear it. We also begin to accept the balance of life — that there is both loss and win, that there is happy and sad, too much, too little, and sometimes just-right!
Real connectivity with those around us begins to happen more and more frequently as we ditch the ill-gotten patterning of childhood and the days when we weren’t as wise as we are now. It can take a good few years to work through it all, but I can give you a gold-clad guarantee that when you are free to connect to others from your heart, and when their heart opens to your heart, you will be in that place where all life has meaning.
It is a wonderful place to be.