I wanted to say something about your prayer efforts. In the 45 or 50 years I believed in God, not a single prayer was answered. If there is one single reason that I don't believe there is a god, it is because of that

You see, if one has lots of friends, and family, and relevant qualifications, and live in a fairly good country, many things can happen when one needs something. One can be mistaken that these are answers to prayer

Like the guys who were seriously thanking God because their friend didn't die of COVID. The fact that he lived because he had the best medical attention available wasn't the reason.

At the beginning of COVID, In Syria, where there were no hospitals, in the middle of a civil war, and no medicine, 20% of people who got Covid died from it. I would imagine that a lot of prayers went unanswered.

All the prayers in the world about my financial situation haven't rescued me from it. Nor did it rescue me from 42 years of chronic abuse. There have been no happy outcomes for me. And make no mistake, many 'believing' people have prayed for me

So either god is an evil, uncaring being, or he doesn't exist.