I spent 45 years of my life praying to god, living my life by godly commands, etc. What a waste. I believed all that bs.

The famous trilemma is this;

If God is unable to prevent evil, then he is not all-powerful. If God is not willing to prevent evil, then he is not all-good. If God is both willing and able to prevent evil, then why does evil exist?

Our brains evolved to separate fact from fiction, and if God cannot be proven as fact, then he must be fiction.