I purposely missed my 50th year reunion. My school did nothing for me. It effectly contributed a lot to my confusion, erroneous values, and it gave me the fear of god about not being rich, in the very upper classes, etc.

Never once did anyone explain to me why I was supposed to do any of the work, or why I should listen in class, or what the purpose was of passing all the exams.

I was so bored. I read the library instead. How the fuck I got through 12 years of schooling without failing is beyond me. I suppose I must have remembered something because during the first week of the school year, I read all my text books, and that was it.

I found out about university during the last semester when my late father asked me what university I wanted to go to. Up until that time, I didn't even know I was supposed to go to university. Nobody had ever mentioned it. I didn't even know about careers. I didn't know that I was supposed to work for a living.

So I went for some tests at the university in my home town. Apparently I must have done quite well because the guy looked at my results and said "You realize you don't have to do any of these tests - you're far above the rest." I didn't know what he was talking about.

I also didn't know what they meant by some questions about what I was interested in. I knew my father was interested in engineering (which I have no interest in), but I put down his interests.

I recall when my late father asked me what I wanted to be (I was 16). I said 'an actress.' He said 'Ach kwatch. What do you really want to be?" I never answered. I didn't know what else there was.

I know from an event in San Diego that I must have had some talent because a producer said to me when I role read something "You are tremendously talented."

It's not so unusual. My brother became a singer, my sister a dancer, and, I suppose, in the end I became a writer because I had never been educated or learnt any skills. Nobody told me that I had to.

I write this because I was at one of the most expensive, exclusive schools in my home country. There was 13 girls in my high school class. It couldn't have been more exclusive if one tried. If you think one teacher or one student ever bothered to explain to me what went on, you can think again. Nobody took me aside to explain it all. Instead they mocked me because I didn't have the British upper class accent.

I suppose, even then, if you have Asperger's, you're not human, and everybody just thinks you're stupid.

Of the lot of us, three have passed now. One girl, Shiela said to me one day "The finest steel goes through the fiercest furnace." She said that to me because I had been crying about something. It was a long time ago.

How I wish there had been one single person to guide me, to teach me during those days, to explain it all to me.

My life would have been so different, and I would not be writing this to you, emeshed in poverty, wondering if I can make it through the year.