Hope in what? I'm not repressing anything. I spent 5 years at a church school, 10 years as an evangelical Christian, another 10 years as a Jew and New Age law of attraction bullshit and studied comparative religion for 10 years. I had a 'relationship' with Jesus.

In the end, I realized that there was no such thing. What a relief. The burdens of 'blind faith' trying to shut my brain down shifted.

The problem, as I suggested, is that you came to atheism without a full study and the experience of religion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5el7ib7RPA&t=80s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzboEHnpaww&t=36s

There are tens of thousands of pastors who become atheists. They do so, because when you actually study and pray all day and when after decades you realize there was never any answer to prayer, you eventually realize there is no god.